Will I Be Single and Alone Forever?
Did you know that you weren't created to live this life by yourself? God didn't intend for you to be alone. He intended for you to find love with another person. That person would be your opposite, yet the two of you would fit together like pieces in a puzzle. Physically, Spiritually and Emotionally.
From the Beginning
From the very beginning, God has shown us that we desperately need intimacy with another human. In the first book of the Bible, Genesis, God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone" (Genesis 2:18). The Hebrew word translated into English as "alone" means "piece or part of something." The first man (Adam) was only a part or piece of the whole. He was made to be a part of something that did not yet exist in totality. Only when God made the woman was the process finished.
Verse 18 of Genesis 2 uses the phrase "helper suitable" (New International Version). In the original Hebrew, that phrase means "someone to correspond to or match the other." That's why Adam felt so alone before Eve: His corresponding or matching part didn't exist yet. God made Eve to complete Adam. And of course, Adam, in turn, completed Eve. Humankind requires two parts to make the whole: a man and a woman. By the design of God, each needs the other.
As soon as Eve came into existence, Adam knew that she completed him. She was his ideal and perfect match, his corresponding being. The two of them together would make one. That's why the text says, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24 and Mark 10:8).
God created us with this need for intimacy with a mate. We've craved it from the beginning of the world. And He created this union to be the closest relationship on earth--even closer than our relationship with the father and mother who gave us life and sustenance. And since God made humankind with this strong need for intimacy with a mate, this need exists for all people who have lived or ever will live on this planet--except for specific individuals whom God has intentionally gifted for singleness.
Choosing to Wait
If you're seeking love and romance, it's fairly certain you haven't been gifted for single life. Yet many singles today are pressured to put off marriage until they graduate college, land a great job, get older, etc. Most begin hearing it sometime after age twelve. Though parents and others have good intentions by offering that advice, those are actually very shallow reasons for sweeping your craving for intimacy under the rug.
Using the "wait-until-you-have-it-all-together" reasoning causes many to "burn with passion." Why? Because they are putting off what is natural not only to their bodies but to their minds and emotions. The "burning" leads many to give in to their need for sexual intimacy before marriage because they can't stand to continue to deny the desire put in them by God. Perhaps denying their God-given need for intimacy is why current statistical research says 1 in 2 singles will have sex outside of marriage.
1 Corinthians 7:9 tells us: "...it is better to marry than to burn with passion."
In Bible times men and women often married between the ages of thirteen and eighteen. Am I saying someone should marry at age thirteen? No. What I am saying is that I think some parents and church leaders have thrown the baby out with the bath water. In their efforts to fight divorce (or in some cases, keep their children home with them longer) they've discouraged marriage. While not necessarily meaning to, they've presented marriage as something that only works out in perfect situations and at perfect times instead of presenting it as a beautiful relationship that requires commitment and patience. Instead, they've often presented marriage as something to be afraid of or to delay. This should not be the picture painted to singles at all!
I'm not saying for you to go out and marry anyone blessed with counterpart genitals. Neither am I saying two 15-year-olds should elope (they are probably too young). But I am saying that, assuming you are of the age of consent, delaying marriage until life gets "perfect" is the wrong thing to do. For many reasons.
First, by thinking you need to wait to get married until you're making more money might sound responsible and mature, but what is that really saying? Though we may not want to admit it, it's saying, "You can't have a happy marriage without money."
I'll be the first to tell you that you can't "live on love" and people have struggled to make ends meet while married. So I'm not saying you should marry while one of you earns minimum wage and the other stays home. But don't think you have to be able to afford a two-car, two-story brick house before you can marry the love of your life.
Secondly, there will never be a perfect situation. Your life will always have bumps and curves. When someone lovingly tells you to wait until your situation magically improves, they unknowingly are saying you can't have a happy marriage until the situation is perfect. And let me assure you, nothing could be further from the truth. Everyone will endure situational difficulty. That's a four-letter word I like to refer to as L-I-F-E.
Finally, by delaying marriage you could be putting yourself in a difficult situation. God put within us an extremely strong desire for intimacy. "It is not good for man to be alone," God said when he saw man by himself in the garden of Eden. The Hebrew phrase "not good" could be better stated as saying, "No good can come of it." Sure there are those gifted for living the single life. If you think that's you, good for you, I'm not talking to you. But odds are there are those reading these words who struggle with sexual purity. You fight against what God put in you and that's why you keep falling. If that's you, do this: Begin planning for marriage. If you're dating someone you love and have been having sex with them, tell them you think the two of you should get married. You'll find out right away if they love you or only wanted sex from you. Then when you're married you can totally satisfy this normal and natural need.
So if you are dating the love of your life, forget the whole idea of putting off marriage until you are living in a gated neighborhood and ready for anything that comes your way. If you are in love with someone and committed to them, marry them. That's what is supposed to happen! That's why God put the desire for companionship and physical intimacy inside of you. I'll happily give singles a breath of fresh air by encouraging, rather than discouraging marriage.
This applies to those of you who don't yet have a lavish job or even a college degree. If you are an adult who feels you can't wait any longer to have sex with the person you love, do something about it--do the right thing. If you are in love with them, marry them rather than commit fornication. If it is simply infatuation, break off the relationship so you don't sin.
Does it sound extreme? Maybe. But "it's better to marry than to burn with passion" according to the Bible. And it is your life, right?
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Wow. I saw that somewhere online today and thought it was really good. I know (KNOW) how hard it is to be still single in your 20s. Up until a couple of years ago, I thought I was just plain unlikeable and that I would never be able to find my soulmate in the millions and billions of people in this world. And wow, how all that can change in a day. In a week. That was all it took for me to have the kick in the butt that said, "He's yours and I have made you for each other." To go from one extreme to the other in a matter of days is overwhelming, but also the most encouraging thing that's ever happened to me. I took for granted what the meaning of a soulmate really was. How two people can so equally balance each other, compliment each other's personalities, still have common interests and equal differences.....there is no other way to say it other than it's God's hand in all of it. I found the one and he found me, and now I look back on the times (and YEARS) I spent stressing out about never finding love, and here it is. It took patience (that I realize now I didnt really have, lol) and faith that God was and is truly in control. And to know now that Jay intended NEVER to get married or even date again b/c of past experiences and friends' marriages gone bad.....it used to make me cry to hear him say he gave up on finding his true love. But he'll also tell you that he could feel Christ constantly chiseling away at his heart and he knew we were meant to be together, even as much as he fought it for the first couple of months we were just friends. He knew. I knew.
So I guess I'm writing this to say - to the people I'm thinking about as I'm writing this.....please dont ever give up faith in God that there IS someone who is meant just for you. I know how hard it is to see couples out in public, in the grocery store, in amusement parks, in church.....to see what they have and to want it SO DESPERATELY. I know. But I wouldn't change anything in my past if I knew my outcome would be different. All the waiting made what I have today worth it, 100 times over. It was hard and it was challenging and I cried a lot over feeling rejected and ignored, but it was still all worth it to have the amazing relationship we have now. You never know what may come of a friendship, so dont give up if you really feel you're being called toward it. And even if you dont, still dont ever give up. God is in complete control of your life and He knows what's best for you. Love is around the corner, even if the walkway is longer than you thought it would be.
It's worth it. =)
From the Beginning
From the very beginning, God has shown us that we desperately need intimacy with another human. In the first book of the Bible, Genesis, God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone" (Genesis 2:18). The Hebrew word translated into English as "alone" means "piece or part of something." The first man (Adam) was only a part or piece of the whole. He was made to be a part of something that did not yet exist in totality. Only when God made the woman was the process finished.
Verse 18 of Genesis 2 uses the phrase "helper suitable" (New International Version). In the original Hebrew, that phrase means "someone to correspond to or match the other." That's why Adam felt so alone before Eve: His corresponding or matching part didn't exist yet. God made Eve to complete Adam. And of course, Adam, in turn, completed Eve. Humankind requires two parts to make the whole: a man and a woman. By the design of God, each needs the other.
As soon as Eve came into existence, Adam knew that she completed him. She was his ideal and perfect match, his corresponding being. The two of them together would make one. That's why the text says, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24 and Mark 10:8).
God created us with this need for intimacy with a mate. We've craved it from the beginning of the world. And He created this union to be the closest relationship on earth--even closer than our relationship with the father and mother who gave us life and sustenance. And since God made humankind with this strong need for intimacy with a mate, this need exists for all people who have lived or ever will live on this planet--except for specific individuals whom God has intentionally gifted for singleness.
Choosing to Wait
If you're seeking love and romance, it's fairly certain you haven't been gifted for single life. Yet many singles today are pressured to put off marriage until they graduate college, land a great job, get older, etc. Most begin hearing it sometime after age twelve. Though parents and others have good intentions by offering that advice, those are actually very shallow reasons for sweeping your craving for intimacy under the rug.
Using the "wait-until-you-have-it-all-together" reasoning causes many to "burn with passion." Why? Because they are putting off what is natural not only to their bodies but to their minds and emotions. The "burning" leads many to give in to their need for sexual intimacy before marriage because they can't stand to continue to deny the desire put in them by God. Perhaps denying their God-given need for intimacy is why current statistical research says 1 in 2 singles will have sex outside of marriage.
1 Corinthians 7:9 tells us: "...it is better to marry than to burn with passion."
In Bible times men and women often married between the ages of thirteen and eighteen. Am I saying someone should marry at age thirteen? No. What I am saying is that I think some parents and church leaders have thrown the baby out with the bath water. In their efforts to fight divorce (or in some cases, keep their children home with them longer) they've discouraged marriage. While not necessarily meaning to, they've presented marriage as something that only works out in perfect situations and at perfect times instead of presenting it as a beautiful relationship that requires commitment and patience. Instead, they've often presented marriage as something to be afraid of or to delay. This should not be the picture painted to singles at all!
I'm not saying for you to go out and marry anyone blessed with counterpart genitals. Neither am I saying two 15-year-olds should elope (they are probably too young). But I am saying that, assuming you are of the age of consent, delaying marriage until life gets "perfect" is the wrong thing to do. For many reasons.
First, by thinking you need to wait to get married until you're making more money might sound responsible and mature, but what is that really saying? Though we may not want to admit it, it's saying, "You can't have a happy marriage without money."
I'll be the first to tell you that you can't "live on love" and people have struggled to make ends meet while married. So I'm not saying you should marry while one of you earns minimum wage and the other stays home. But don't think you have to be able to afford a two-car, two-story brick house before you can marry the love of your life.
Secondly, there will never be a perfect situation. Your life will always have bumps and curves. When someone lovingly tells you to wait until your situation magically improves, they unknowingly are saying you can't have a happy marriage until the situation is perfect. And let me assure you, nothing could be further from the truth. Everyone will endure situational difficulty. That's a four-letter word I like to refer to as L-I-F-E.
Finally, by delaying marriage you could be putting yourself in a difficult situation. God put within us an extremely strong desire for intimacy. "It is not good for man to be alone," God said when he saw man by himself in the garden of Eden. The Hebrew phrase "not good" could be better stated as saying, "No good can come of it." Sure there are those gifted for living the single life. If you think that's you, good for you, I'm not talking to you. But odds are there are those reading these words who struggle with sexual purity. You fight against what God put in you and that's why you keep falling. If that's you, do this: Begin planning for marriage. If you're dating someone you love and have been having sex with them, tell them you think the two of you should get married. You'll find out right away if they love you or only wanted sex from you. Then when you're married you can totally satisfy this normal and natural need.
So if you are dating the love of your life, forget the whole idea of putting off marriage until you are living in a gated neighborhood and ready for anything that comes your way. If you are in love with someone and committed to them, marry them. That's what is supposed to happen! That's why God put the desire for companionship and physical intimacy inside of you. I'll happily give singles a breath of fresh air by encouraging, rather than discouraging marriage.
This applies to those of you who don't yet have a lavish job or even a college degree. If you are an adult who feels you can't wait any longer to have sex with the person you love, do something about it--do the right thing. If you are in love with them, marry them rather than commit fornication. If it is simply infatuation, break off the relationship so you don't sin.
Does it sound extreme? Maybe. But "it's better to marry than to burn with passion" according to the Bible. And it is your life, right?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Wow. I saw that somewhere online today and thought it was really good. I know (KNOW) how hard it is to be still single in your 20s. Up until a couple of years ago, I thought I was just plain unlikeable and that I would never be able to find my soulmate in the millions and billions of people in this world. And wow, how all that can change in a day. In a week. That was all it took for me to have the kick in the butt that said, "He's yours and I have made you for each other." To go from one extreme to the other in a matter of days is overwhelming, but also the most encouraging thing that's ever happened to me. I took for granted what the meaning of a soulmate really was. How two people can so equally balance each other, compliment each other's personalities, still have common interests and equal differences.....there is no other way to say it other than it's God's hand in all of it. I found the one and he found me, and now I look back on the times (and YEARS) I spent stressing out about never finding love, and here it is. It took patience (that I realize now I didnt really have, lol) and faith that God was and is truly in control. And to know now that Jay intended NEVER to get married or even date again b/c of past experiences and friends' marriages gone bad.....it used to make me cry to hear him say he gave up on finding his true love. But he'll also tell you that he could feel Christ constantly chiseling away at his heart and he knew we were meant to be together, even as much as he fought it for the first couple of months we were just friends. He knew. I knew.
So I guess I'm writing this to say - to the people I'm thinking about as I'm writing this.....please dont ever give up faith in God that there IS someone who is meant just for you. I know how hard it is to see couples out in public, in the grocery store, in amusement parks, in church.....to see what they have and to want it SO DESPERATELY. I know. But I wouldn't change anything in my past if I knew my outcome would be different. All the waiting made what I have today worth it, 100 times over. It was hard and it was challenging and I cried a lot over feeling rejected and ignored, but it was still all worth it to have the amazing relationship we have now. You never know what may come of a friendship, so dont give up if you really feel you're being called toward it. And even if you dont, still dont ever give up. God is in complete control of your life and He knows what's best for you. Love is around the corner, even if the walkway is longer than you thought it would be.
It's worth it. =)
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