Today has been pretty uneventful. The dad is gone and that always makes my day a heck of a lot better. After a (short) morning nap (for her, not me, lol.....i can only wish it was me) we went by First Pres to pick up somet stuff. I miss it there so much....I would go back in a heartbeat if I could. Anyhoo, then we picked up Z from school and I was going to take him to get ice cream before we had lunch (I felt like it).
Here's where the fun part comes in. I drove up and down Pelham Rd twice looking for Brusters, b/c I could have sworn it was down on the end where Chik-Fil-A is (mind you, I've only been to this one once....years ago). Okay, so after nonstop conversation in the car, lots of it revolving around ice cream and the place we were trying to find, I gave up and we headed back toward the house. Now, as we get to the light at Hudson/Pelham and I prepare to turn on Hudson, Z pipes up, "There's a ice cream place down there with red/white stripes. We go there all the time."
Yeah.
Where was that 20 minutes ago? I know he didn't know the difference, I just found that hilarious that after all that driving back and forth and constant conversation about what we were looking for and where it was, he knew exactly where it was once we were in more familiar territory.
lol.
So we went to Bruster's on Pelham and got ice cream to eat in the car on the way back home. Before lunch. Just because.
Now it's naptime and I've got my feet propped up, relaxing with the laptop and a great episode of "Snapped" on tv. Love that show. Hope I get off on time today....the last three Thursdays have been past 6:00 when she gets home. You'd think I'd be more used to it by now but it still makes me mad that it happens. Oh well. 16 more days here and I'm FREE!
Tomorrow night is Jay's birthday dinner at Texas Roadhouse. We're meeting about 6 friends there and just having a fun dinner and some ice-cream cake afterward. Should be fun! I've had this planned for at least three weeks or so, and he's looking forward to it, too.
I got a phone call from Hope Reach today about scheduling an interview. They do line therapy for children with autism - both in-home therapy and in-school shadowing. I would prefer school hours, but will take what I can get if the money is good enough. =)
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
January 28, 2009
I DID IT!!!!! I DID IT!!!!! I'm so proud of myself and so happy and so relieved....it's hard to tell you all the emotions running through me right now.
The whole way to work yesterday morning I prayed for a clear direction on what to do - do I give my notice now or wait it out a little longer? I told God I really needed a "gut-punch" type feeling to know I'm doing what He wants me to do.
So around the breakfast table, the dad announces he is keeping kiddo home from school - juuuuuust like last Friday started out to be. (Turns out this time he actually kept the kid with him like he promised last week and didn't do) As soon as he said that, I had the most amazing feeling come over me - I knew what I had to do. And I suddenly didn't fear it anymore.
So after they left and the baby was napping, I typed out what I wanted to say and then wrote it in a letter. I only did the letter b/c I wasn't going to have any time to personally talk to the mom since she's been working late (8pm) every night this week. I was very proud of my letter - it was very professional and to the point - no blaming, no whining, just stating this is what I had to do for the sake of my own home. I wrote their names on it and left it on the kitchen table when I left work last night. I mentioned in the end of it that she could feel free to call me last night if she wanted to talk about it.
She didn't call and to be honest, I was a little worried that she was going to be REALLY upset. I prayed for continued peace on the way to work this morning, afraid I was going to be nervous about walking in the door to an unfamiliar situation, not knowing how either of them was going to react to the letter.
Turns out she didn't even read it until early this morning, but the reaction was better than I thought. She said they were disappointed to lose me, but she understood that I had to take care of my own home first. She also did exactly what I knew she was going to do - offer to put the baby in morning daycare and let me keep both kids in the afternoon. I told her I would think about it and talk to Jay, but I'm not going to take that offer. I want a clean break. To do afternoons would mean I'm still having to wait for her to show up in the evenings, deal with the dad being here half the time, the kid being nap-free when they decide to make that move, deal with both kids all day when they're out of school and especially spring-break, not get any days off or time off or sick days, only get my personal vacation when they decide to take theirs, and a whole lot of other reasons that made me decide to quit this job in the first place. I dont want to be here anymore - morning or afternoon. It's just too difficult - evenings are the times I need to be home, anyway. She did ask if I had anything lined up yet and if I would be willing to stay on longer if necessary, and I said no (to both). I told her I was still talking to a few ppl about PT options, but my quit date was firm. I know how that will go...."we need one more week" will happen about ten times until I just walk out. It just can't work.
I feel SO good about this - I'm so relieved it's over. The two hard parts were leaving the letter and walking in the door this morning to an unknown demeanor. But both worked out well and I'm happy about it. I know God will take care of us and bring along the perfect job for me and for our situation.
On another note, I got interviewed by Channel 4 News in the parking lot of Walmart this morning about the dangers of texting while driving. If they only knew, lol. I lied through my teeth when she asked if I ever texted while driving. (Who the heck answers that honestly when they're standing there with somebody else's child that you drive all over the place every single day?!?) So.....watch for me on the news today. Hopefully they wont show me b/c I looked awful and......was a little liar, lol.
=)
The whole way to work yesterday morning I prayed for a clear direction on what to do - do I give my notice now or wait it out a little longer? I told God I really needed a "gut-punch" type feeling to know I'm doing what He wants me to do.
So around the breakfast table, the dad announces he is keeping kiddo home from school - juuuuuust like last Friday started out to be. (Turns out this time he actually kept the kid with him like he promised last week and didn't do) As soon as he said that, I had the most amazing feeling come over me - I knew what I had to do. And I suddenly didn't fear it anymore.
So after they left and the baby was napping, I typed out what I wanted to say and then wrote it in a letter. I only did the letter b/c I wasn't going to have any time to personally talk to the mom since she's been working late (8pm) every night this week. I was very proud of my letter - it was very professional and to the point - no blaming, no whining, just stating this is what I had to do for the sake of my own home. I wrote their names on it and left it on the kitchen table when I left work last night. I mentioned in the end of it that she could feel free to call me last night if she wanted to talk about it.
She didn't call and to be honest, I was a little worried that she was going to be REALLY upset. I prayed for continued peace on the way to work this morning, afraid I was going to be nervous about walking in the door to an unfamiliar situation, not knowing how either of them was going to react to the letter.
Turns out she didn't even read it until early this morning, but the reaction was better than I thought. She said they were disappointed to lose me, but she understood that I had to take care of my own home first. She also did exactly what I knew she was going to do - offer to put the baby in morning daycare and let me keep both kids in the afternoon. I told her I would think about it and talk to Jay, but I'm not going to take that offer. I want a clean break. To do afternoons would mean I'm still having to wait for her to show up in the evenings, deal with the dad being here half the time, the kid being nap-free when they decide to make that move, deal with both kids all day when they're out of school and especially spring-break, not get any days off or time off or sick days, only get my personal vacation when they decide to take theirs, and a whole lot of other reasons that made me decide to quit this job in the first place. I dont want to be here anymore - morning or afternoon. It's just too difficult - evenings are the times I need to be home, anyway. She did ask if I had anything lined up yet and if I would be willing to stay on longer if necessary, and I said no (to both). I told her I was still talking to a few ppl about PT options, but my quit date was firm. I know how that will go...."we need one more week" will happen about ten times until I just walk out. It just can't work.
I feel SO good about this - I'm so relieved it's over. The two hard parts were leaving the letter and walking in the door this morning to an unknown demeanor. But both worked out well and I'm happy about it. I know God will take care of us and bring along the perfect job for me and for our situation.
On another note, I got interviewed by Channel 4 News in the parking lot of Walmart this morning about the dangers of texting while driving. If they only knew, lol. I lied through my teeth when she asked if I ever texted while driving. (Who the heck answers that honestly when they're standing there with somebody else's child that you drive all over the place every single day?!?) So.....watch for me on the news today. Hopefully they wont show me b/c I looked awful and......was a little liar, lol.
=)
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
January 27, 2009
First, a birthday update - my hubby is the sweetest man on earth. I was starting to get a little disappointed on the afternoon of my bday - he was still asleep and kept asking me where I wanted to go for dinner, when all I had asked of him was to pick something and surprise me. He got up (he worked the night before) around 4:30 and then was on the phone talking to a friend who was stranded on the interstate by Laurens Rd. Now I would just like to point out right here that I have pulled this trick many times (to get out of things and places I dont want to be, lol) and therefore knew exactly what he was doing. He faked a phone call and it would have been more convincing if he had not made the call last 8 seconds, when this is a friend who can talk for literally hours. Then, as he was telling me he was going to help so-and-so get the truck started, I knew he was up to something. He is not a good liar (good thing) - his whole face just shows it. So I said "ok" with a smile and left him to it.
He came back an hour and a half later with Olive Garden take-out and flowers. =) So sweet.
On to another note - this weekend was the longest of my prayer-life. After telling Jay everything that went on Friday when I was so pissed off at this father for just doing whatever he wants and expecting me to pick up the pieces, we were both knowing it was time to quit. I was so relieved; this giant load was off my shoulders......I felt good. Until Sunday night when we sat down to crunch out some numbers - I let Satan get a hold of my thoughts. Those numbers didn't even come CLOSE to saying, "yes, quit your job and you'll be fine." I cried and cried and cried - all that burden that had been lifted now felt thrown back on me and I again felt that trapped feeling of.....I'm stuck here forever and there's never an end to it.
So I went to work yesterday, miserable again. I emailed our SS teacher and asked if they could meet us after work to talk about it all, and they were so gracious with their time. They have been through the same thing several times, as have a couple of friends of ours, and everyone keeps saying the same thing - you have to just jump when you feel God's peace, and let it go from there. I prayed the entire way to work this morning - if it's meant for me to leave here, w/o having another FT job in hand, then I need a "gut-punch" feeling to tell me. I'm no good at this guessing game anymore. So once I got to work, the dad again decided to keep the kid at home (for no reason), just like last Friday. I immediately had flashbacks to the hell of what last Friday was, and all of a sudden I had this overwhelming peace. I just KNEW.
So I just finished writing out my resignation letter. I did not write about my 497 issues with them nor place any blame. I simply said for the sake of my own home/family/marriage, I have to do this. I'm giving them 4 weeks and my last day will be the 20th. Unless of course they are truly pissed off and just tell me to leave now, which I'm not even panicked about b/c I know this is from God and He will be taking care of us.
As far as jobs are concerned, I have several PT options. Southside has ASC openings and always need EE subs. I have emailed 1st Pres about subbing and any positions opening. We will make it. I'm sure there will be sacrifice for both of us, but he has been more than wonderful and supportive and encouraging to me and I'm not afraid of it anymore.
I'm free. =)
He came back an hour and a half later with Olive Garden take-out and flowers. =) So sweet.
On to another note - this weekend was the longest of my prayer-life. After telling Jay everything that went on Friday when I was so pissed off at this father for just doing whatever he wants and expecting me to pick up the pieces, we were both knowing it was time to quit. I was so relieved; this giant load was off my shoulders......I felt good. Until Sunday night when we sat down to crunch out some numbers - I let Satan get a hold of my thoughts. Those numbers didn't even come CLOSE to saying, "yes, quit your job and you'll be fine." I cried and cried and cried - all that burden that had been lifted now felt thrown back on me and I again felt that trapped feeling of.....I'm stuck here forever and there's never an end to it.
So I went to work yesterday, miserable again. I emailed our SS teacher and asked if they could meet us after work to talk about it all, and they were so gracious with their time. They have been through the same thing several times, as have a couple of friends of ours, and everyone keeps saying the same thing - you have to just jump when you feel God's peace, and let it go from there. I prayed the entire way to work this morning - if it's meant for me to leave here, w/o having another FT job in hand, then I need a "gut-punch" feeling to tell me. I'm no good at this guessing game anymore. So once I got to work, the dad again decided to keep the kid at home (for no reason), just like last Friday. I immediately had flashbacks to the hell of what last Friday was, and all of a sudden I had this overwhelming peace. I just KNEW.
So I just finished writing out my resignation letter. I did not write about my 497 issues with them nor place any blame. I simply said for the sake of my own home/family/marriage, I have to do this. I'm giving them 4 weeks and my last day will be the 20th. Unless of course they are truly pissed off and just tell me to leave now, which I'm not even panicked about b/c I know this is from God and He will be taking care of us.
As far as jobs are concerned, I have several PT options. Southside has ASC openings and always need EE subs. I have emailed 1st Pres about subbing and any positions opening. We will make it. I'm sure there will be sacrifice for both of us, but he has been more than wonderful and supportive and encouraging to me and I'm not afraid of it anymore.
I'm free. =)
Saturday, January 24, 2009
January 24, 2009
Just a quick note to say - I'm QUITTING my job!!!! After a lot of prayer, tears, frustration, and unreal stress, I told Jay I felt like I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown. We are still crunching numbers, but on Monday, I will be giving them my notice. Not sure how long I will give them. I do have some PT job opportunities and we are both still praying about something coming FT and are really just trusting the Lord. We know it's in His hands. I know not all of you are going to agree with this decision, and I respect your opinions, but at the same time, I really want you to try to understand where I'm coming from. I don't ever quit jobs b/c I hate them, I'm not one to jump from job to job......I have NEVER felt so stressed out in my entire life. I come home crying and go to work crying. I'm tired of feeling like I'm just someone they can walk all over and do what they want and expect me to just clean it all up afterward. I can't do it anymore - I honestly am on the verge of a breakdown if I don't get out of there. I can't tell you how relieved I am that the decision is made....I'm not even the least bit worried about announcing it to them nor do I care what their thoughts are or what they're going to say to me. I always thought a nanny job would be perfect for me, and though there are a few perks to this job, none of them outweigh the other "decisions" they think they can make for me and expect me to follow. I wont go into the details of it, I just wanted you to all know the decision. We would appreciate your support and would also appreciate not getting any lectures about quitting jobs before having another - like I said before, it's been a serious prayer issue for a long time, I feel like the door is wide-open to leave, and we know God always takes care of His children and He will not leave us high and dry.
Here's to a better emotional life and a lot less stress. =)
Here's to a better emotional life and a lot less stress. =)
Friday, January 23, 2009
January 23, 2009
Really not a great day to blog - it's only 10:50am and I've already spent two hours crying. And I'm not even on BC anymore, lol, but I guess it is still in my system so that's partly why I cry so easily lately.
I got to work this morning, knowing the dad was back from his trip (for whatever it is he does) and I never know if he's going to be home all day, part of the day, in/out, etc. When I got there, the kiddo was watching cartoons downstairs (something frowned upon if I do it) and eating powdered donuts. I kept thinking, maybe this won't be such a bad day - after all, it IS Friday and tomorrow is my birthday and I get to spend it with my hubby. I got Allie up and got her breakfast and started making more bottles for her, and kiddo comes upstairs and says, "Guess what? I get to stay home from school today."
Sugar. (my new word that isn't nearly as satisfactory as the one it's replacing. but hey, i'm trying.)
So great. All my errands that I saved for today and the important lunch I was looking forward to having with my cousin, all shot down the drain. There is NO reason he should be staying home. He says he's going to help daddy pack for the camping trip that they are supposedly taking tonight (?), yet (as usual) as soon as he came upstairs to tell me, his dad disappeared into the infamous office to do important paperwork for the next 8 hours. So I'm stuck with a kid who got up at 5am, ate sugary donuts for breakfast, and has nothing to do all day. He should have gone to school, but plainly put - said parent didn't want to take him, yet still will have NOTHING to do with the responsibility of dealing with him during the day.
So I convinced kiddo (okay, pretty much said "this is how its going to be") to go to Monkey Joes or the park or something today. I cannot stay in the house with him all day long - I go insane. He is too high-maintenance and demanding to stay indoors all day. So I gave him the choice of where to go, but said we HAD to go somewhere.
Turns out dad wants him home by noon for their camping trip.....can I place a bet on this one? I would bet my ENTIRE bank account that they won't leave before at least 3pm. Also, kiddo is supposed to have a dr appt at 4 this afternoon......wonder if he realizes that or not. Every single time he says to have him back by a certain time, it's still another two hours before they leave. I have never seen someone take so long to get out the door.....it's all in the disorganization that is this house.
I was so frustrated over all this that I just cried. I couldn't stop it. I know I bitch about this job a lot, but to be honest, I truly feel like I'm going to have an emotional breakdown at some point. I feel so taken advantage of, like they just do whatever they want and if it inconvienences them, then I am the one who has to clean up the mess. I know it's their house and their kids - but I am still a person and I have feelings. I have my own life and it does not revolve around them or their kids, house, dog, belonging, wishes, etc. I feel like I have no time for me and for us or for my own house or any of my own wishes. I have no time to make appts for myself or do anything unrelated to kids unless it's done at 8pm. It's only getting worse here and I hate it more and more. I really do try to be happy about things - coming in the door with the attitude that I am going to make it a good day and be happy, and then they do one of those things that is so disrespectful and discourteous of MY time and I get all pissed off again.
On another note, tomorrow is my birthday and I was hoping today would be a good day so I wouldn't be so tired for it tomorrow but.....oh well. Not sure what we're doing tomorrow......hope I'm surprised. =)
On yet another note, I would like to say I have the best friends in the world. I know I complain out the wazoo about this job to you guys and you always listen and encourage me and have yet to hang up on me while I go and on. Thanks for all you do for me. =)
I got to work this morning, knowing the dad was back from his trip (for whatever it is he does) and I never know if he's going to be home all day, part of the day, in/out, etc. When I got there, the kiddo was watching cartoons downstairs (something frowned upon if I do it) and eating powdered donuts. I kept thinking, maybe this won't be such a bad day - after all, it IS Friday and tomorrow is my birthday and I get to spend it with my hubby. I got Allie up and got her breakfast and started making more bottles for her, and kiddo comes upstairs and says, "Guess what? I get to stay home from school today."
Sugar. (my new word that isn't nearly as satisfactory as the one it's replacing. but hey, i'm trying.)
So great. All my errands that I saved for today and the important lunch I was looking forward to having with my cousin, all shot down the drain. There is NO reason he should be staying home. He says he's going to help daddy pack for the camping trip that they are supposedly taking tonight (?), yet (as usual) as soon as he came upstairs to tell me, his dad disappeared into the infamous office to do important paperwork for the next 8 hours. So I'm stuck with a kid who got up at 5am, ate sugary donuts for breakfast, and has nothing to do all day. He should have gone to school, but plainly put - said parent didn't want to take him, yet still will have NOTHING to do with the responsibility of dealing with him during the day.
So I convinced kiddo (okay, pretty much said "this is how its going to be") to go to Monkey Joes or the park or something today. I cannot stay in the house with him all day long - I go insane. He is too high-maintenance and demanding to stay indoors all day. So I gave him the choice of where to go, but said we HAD to go somewhere.
Turns out dad wants him home by noon for their camping trip.....can I place a bet on this one? I would bet my ENTIRE bank account that they won't leave before at least 3pm. Also, kiddo is supposed to have a dr appt at 4 this afternoon......wonder if he realizes that or not. Every single time he says to have him back by a certain time, it's still another two hours before they leave. I have never seen someone take so long to get out the door.....it's all in the disorganization that is this house.
I was so frustrated over all this that I just cried. I couldn't stop it. I know I bitch about this job a lot, but to be honest, I truly feel like I'm going to have an emotional breakdown at some point. I feel so taken advantage of, like they just do whatever they want and if it inconvienences them, then I am the one who has to clean up the mess. I know it's their house and their kids - but I am still a person and I have feelings. I have my own life and it does not revolve around them or their kids, house, dog, belonging, wishes, etc. I feel like I have no time for me and for us or for my own house or any of my own wishes. I have no time to make appts for myself or do anything unrelated to kids unless it's done at 8pm. It's only getting worse here and I hate it more and more. I really do try to be happy about things - coming in the door with the attitude that I am going to make it a good day and be happy, and then they do one of those things that is so disrespectful and discourteous of MY time and I get all pissed off again.
On another note, tomorrow is my birthday and I was hoping today would be a good day so I wouldn't be so tired for it tomorrow but.....oh well. Not sure what we're doing tomorrow......hope I'm surprised. =)
On yet another note, I would like to say I have the best friends in the world. I know I complain out the wazoo about this job to you guys and you always listen and encourage me and have yet to hang up on me while I go and on. Thanks for all you do for me. =)
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
January 21, 2009
What a day its been. The baby has screamed all day long. And when I say screamed, I mean, blood-curdling, lung-bursting, window-breaking screaming tantrums over absolutely nothing. Also, when I say all day, I mean literally allllllllllllllll day. Get her up - she screams. Put her in the high chair - she screams. Get her out of the chair - she screams. Change her - she screams. Naptime - she screams. You get the point. I really have never seen a baby with such a temper like this - revert back to my old posts when I first started this job and you'll see the pattern - the 3 month old with the horrible temper has just grown into the 1-year old with the horrible temper.
Sheesh.
So minus all of that, we went to speech therapy this afternoon and upon leaving, found my battery to be completely dead. I asked one lady for help - she said she thought her bolts were rusty and promptly left. I asked another lady - it took her 20 minutes to figure out how to get her car close enough (all she had to do was pull in front of me, I was backed in) - turns out she only had one bolt (???) and we couldn't get it to work. So I sat there for almost a half hour with my hood up, talking to various ppl to see if anyone could come help me, and another lady offered to help me. She had a minivan and two bolts (like normal lol) and we got it going. I was so grateful I cried (long day + hormonal BC = teary Gina). It was so nice of her to help when she was on her way out - she'll never know how appreciative I was. So we got back to the house around 3:45 and both kids were out in five minutes. Ahhhh, blessed silence.
I've been faithfully filling out job apps from several different websites and have heard back from a couple of places and a couple of other ppl - trying to work out the details is another story. All I want is to get out of here into something with less hours. I do not mind working FT, but FT is 40 hours. This job is 55+ and I just can't do it anymore - I have no personal time for my own family and household. But we wont get back into that. Just keep praying that something comes along. This economy sucks and I have a feeling we're all stuck where we are for awhile.
Sheesh.
So minus all of that, we went to speech therapy this afternoon and upon leaving, found my battery to be completely dead. I asked one lady for help - she said she thought her bolts were rusty and promptly left. I asked another lady - it took her 20 minutes to figure out how to get her car close enough (all she had to do was pull in front of me, I was backed in) - turns out she only had one bolt (???) and we couldn't get it to work. So I sat there for almost a half hour with my hood up, talking to various ppl to see if anyone could come help me, and another lady offered to help me. She had a minivan and two bolts (like normal lol) and we got it going. I was so grateful I cried (long day + hormonal BC = teary Gina). It was so nice of her to help when she was on her way out - she'll never know how appreciative I was. So we got back to the house around 3:45 and both kids were out in five minutes. Ahhhh, blessed silence.
I've been faithfully filling out job apps from several different websites and have heard back from a couple of places and a couple of other ppl - trying to work out the details is another story. All I want is to get out of here into something with less hours. I do not mind working FT, but FT is 40 hours. This job is 55+ and I just can't do it anymore - I have no personal time for my own family and household. But we wont get back into that. Just keep praying that something comes along. This economy sucks and I have a feeling we're all stuck where we are for awhile.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
January 20, 2009
I'll start this one off by saying, if you are not a woman, you probably will not want to read much further. And furthermore, if you are a male family member who has to see me on a regular or even not-so-regular basis, you probably will want to skip this one or you won't be able to look at me normally ever again. =)
That said - we're going to talk about birth control today. About a year and a half ago, I started on Ortho-Tri-Cyclen and loved it. To back up a little, we had been talking about a spring wedding then and I wanted time to get used to a pill and time to change it if necessary. So anyway, I was on that for 5 months with no real issues. Then I had 2 months straight of breakthrough bleeding, so I changed over to Alesse - same problem. So I went off everything. I did notice while I was on those that I was a lot more sensitive and cried (often, Jay says, though I didn't think it was that often, lol). So I started on the Nuvaring at the beginning of November, a few weeks after our wedding. I researched it a lot and it seemed really great and simple - I didn't have a hard time remembering to take a pill, I just set my phone alarm and never had an issue. The ring seemed really nice in that you only have to change it out every 3 weeks. The first month of was super - I did have some nausea once or twice in the first couple of weeks, but nothing other than that. You can't feel it (really!) and it was simple to use. The second month I got a little breakthrough the day before it was supposed to come out (Christmas!) and it kinda went downhill from there. I had breakthrough off/on before and after my period, and then this month - breakthrough started like crazy TWO WEEKS AGO and hasn't stopped. So after some serious praying and researching, I think we're gonna ditch it. I've had nonstop nausea since the week of Christmas and it's gone from just annoying to puking like crazy some days. I've had enough. I hate to give it up so soon, b/c I know it's normal to have breakthrough sometimes in the first 3-4 months, and this was the 3rd month, but the thought of going another month like this just makes me so sad. And I can tell the hormones are changing my moods - I cry over nothing these days. It's hard on him when I cry and especially when I can't tell him WHY I'm crying - I dont know why. So I'm going off it and I'm SO excited about feeling normal again. I think hormonal BC just is not for me. I know there are hundreds of kinds of pills out there, but think about it - you try one pill for 3-4 months to wait out the "side effect" period of it, turns out that one doesnt work, so you try another one for 3-4 months to see if it's going to work for you, it doesn't, and so on so forth. You could spend years trying to find one medicine that works and by then, you defeat the purpose b/c once you find one, it will be baby time, and then you don't need it for a year or so.......it just feels like an endless cycle and I'm ready to be rid of it. I've been researching another "natural" method and am going by B&N today to pick up a book on it. It's a little scary b/c of you're off by just one day.........welcome to parenthood.
On that note, my baby fever comes and goes. Part of me wants it so I can get the heck out of this job, but that certainly isn't my only reason, since it's a pretty selfish one. I want it, but (as of this moment right now, lol) not right now. Soon. I've been putting in applications for anything I think I could handle for a year or so, just to get out of here. Last Monday's speech was ridiculous and I feel trapped thinking "if I ask for any day off, they're going to say no and I'm screwed." I never see Jay with this work schedule and we're trying to make a weekend to get away just for a couple of days, but I can't even ask off for a Friday afternoon. It's so stupid. I get frustrated with days like Friday and yesterday, when one or both parents are home, off work, and have the prime opportunity to spend time with their children, time they NEVER spend with their children and constantly complain about not having that time. Perfect chance, but no - they want the nanny here so they can galavant off on their shopping sprees or spa days or whatever it is they do, and I'm left with a 5-yr old who (literally) asked me three times yesterday why his mommy doesnt want to play with him when she's home. How am I supposed to answer that?
Today I'm (finally) left alone and the baby is napping (yay). I'm meeting my friend Sarah for lunch and then gotta pick up the kiddo from school. This will be the first day I am not bringing him a snack or juice as soon as he gets in the car. He doesnt need it - it's just a habit. There was a day a few weeks ago where his class ate lunch at Chick-Fil-A and he threw a fit b/c I didn't bring him a snack. He didn't need it - he just ate. But it's been an ingrained habit for three years now and I'm breaking it. I've been reminding him every day for 2 weeks - when you turn 5, no more snacks in the car. And he was FINE with it.....until he saw the chance to manipulate his mom into it and told her I wasn't allowed him to ever have any snacks ever again. Little liar. I explained the situation to her and told her my back seat is pretty much ruined from all the ground in food and spilled juice, and she agreed (wow) and he is no longer eating in my car. We go straight from school to home (5 mins, tops) and then he eats lunch. He's not gonna starve to death; like I said, it's just a dumb habit. He's so used to getting his way all the time and having everybody bring him something - food or a present or whatever, and is very spoiled. He wants something, he gets it or throws a fit and they give in.....then I'm left to pick up the pieces.
Annnnnyway, that's about all that's been going on - sick from the BC, can't wait to get off it, and I hate my job. All in a nutshell. =)
That said - we're going to talk about birth control today. About a year and a half ago, I started on Ortho-Tri-Cyclen and loved it. To back up a little, we had been talking about a spring wedding then and I wanted time to get used to a pill and time to change it if necessary. So anyway, I was on that for 5 months with no real issues. Then I had 2 months straight of breakthrough bleeding, so I changed over to Alesse - same problem. So I went off everything. I did notice while I was on those that I was a lot more sensitive and cried (often, Jay says, though I didn't think it was that often, lol). So I started on the Nuvaring at the beginning of November, a few weeks after our wedding. I researched it a lot and it seemed really great and simple - I didn't have a hard time remembering to take a pill, I just set my phone alarm and never had an issue. The ring seemed really nice in that you only have to change it out every 3 weeks. The first month of was super - I did have some nausea once or twice in the first couple of weeks, but nothing other than that. You can't feel it (really!) and it was simple to use. The second month I got a little breakthrough the day before it was supposed to come out (Christmas!) and it kinda went downhill from there. I had breakthrough off/on before and after my period, and then this month - breakthrough started like crazy TWO WEEKS AGO and hasn't stopped. So after some serious praying and researching, I think we're gonna ditch it. I've had nonstop nausea since the week of Christmas and it's gone from just annoying to puking like crazy some days. I've had enough. I hate to give it up so soon, b/c I know it's normal to have breakthrough sometimes in the first 3-4 months, and this was the 3rd month, but the thought of going another month like this just makes me so sad. And I can tell the hormones are changing my moods - I cry over nothing these days. It's hard on him when I cry and especially when I can't tell him WHY I'm crying - I dont know why. So I'm going off it and I'm SO excited about feeling normal again. I think hormonal BC just is not for me. I know there are hundreds of kinds of pills out there, but think about it - you try one pill for 3-4 months to wait out the "side effect" period of it, turns out that one doesnt work, so you try another one for 3-4 months to see if it's going to work for you, it doesn't, and so on so forth. You could spend years trying to find one medicine that works and by then, you defeat the purpose b/c once you find one, it will be baby time, and then you don't need it for a year or so.......it just feels like an endless cycle and I'm ready to be rid of it. I've been researching another "natural" method and am going by B&N today to pick up a book on it. It's a little scary b/c of you're off by just one day.........welcome to parenthood.
On that note, my baby fever comes and goes. Part of me wants it so I can get the heck out of this job, but that certainly isn't my only reason, since it's a pretty selfish one. I want it, but (as of this moment right now, lol) not right now. Soon. I've been putting in applications for anything I think I could handle for a year or so, just to get out of here. Last Monday's speech was ridiculous and I feel trapped thinking "if I ask for any day off, they're going to say no and I'm screwed." I never see Jay with this work schedule and we're trying to make a weekend to get away just for a couple of days, but I can't even ask off for a Friday afternoon. It's so stupid. I get frustrated with days like Friday and yesterday, when one or both parents are home, off work, and have the prime opportunity to spend time with their children, time they NEVER spend with their children and constantly complain about not having that time. Perfect chance, but no - they want the nanny here so they can galavant off on their shopping sprees or spa days or whatever it is they do, and I'm left with a 5-yr old who (literally) asked me three times yesterday why his mommy doesnt want to play with him when she's home. How am I supposed to answer that?
Today I'm (finally) left alone and the baby is napping (yay). I'm meeting my friend Sarah for lunch and then gotta pick up the kiddo from school. This will be the first day I am not bringing him a snack or juice as soon as he gets in the car. He doesnt need it - it's just a habit. There was a day a few weeks ago where his class ate lunch at Chick-Fil-A and he threw a fit b/c I didn't bring him a snack. He didn't need it - he just ate. But it's been an ingrained habit for three years now and I'm breaking it. I've been reminding him every day for 2 weeks - when you turn 5, no more snacks in the car. And he was FINE with it.....until he saw the chance to manipulate his mom into it and told her I wasn't allowed him to ever have any snacks ever again. Little liar. I explained the situation to her and told her my back seat is pretty much ruined from all the ground in food and spilled juice, and she agreed (wow) and he is no longer eating in my car. We go straight from school to home (5 mins, tops) and then he eats lunch. He's not gonna starve to death; like I said, it's just a dumb habit. He's so used to getting his way all the time and having everybody bring him something - food or a present or whatever, and is very spoiled. He wants something, he gets it or throws a fit and they give in.....then I'm left to pick up the pieces.
Annnnnyway, that's about all that's been going on - sick from the BC, can't wait to get off it, and I hate my job. All in a nutshell. =)
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
January 14, 2009
I've spent most of the last three days filling out applications and sending my resume to any job I think I could handle for a year. I got a call back from one MMO place this afternoon, but once she told me what it paid (7.50/hr) I told her nobody can make a living on that (20hrs/wk) and she still asked if I wanted to come by to fill out an app. Childcare is one area where I really feel you should be paid according to your experience. I understand giving the high school teenager, who only wants a summer job or a reason not to go to college, 7.50/hr, but it's unfair to those of us who have done this for YEARS to be paid less than what Mexicans make. So I will continue the search. The job here is not horrible, it's just such a trapped feeling to be told you can't ever have any time off.
I won't get back into that. It's been a long day - housekeepers this morning (no nap for the baby) and then speech this afternoon. We've just gotten in about 20 minutes ago and I just got both of them down for naps. Ahhhh, blessed silence.
I won't get back into that. It's been a long day - housekeepers this morning (no nap for the baby) and then speech this afternoon. We've just gotten in about 20 minutes ago and I just got both of them down for naps. Ahhhh, blessed silence.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
January 13, 2009
When I blogged yesterday, I totally forgot to give you my analysis on the movie we went to see Sunday afternoon - Valkyrie. Jay has been wanting to see that movie since he saw the preview. It was pretty good - we both thought it would be more of an action "shoot-up" kind of movie, but it was more conspiracy (good for me, i hate action movies). It was pretty good - worth the matinee price but maybe not the evening price. I was a little disappointed with the actor they had playing Hitler.....I think they could have found a more realistic-looking Hitler, and you only really got to see him 2-3 times in the whole movie. I am NOT a fan or advocator of Tom Cruise but he did a pretty good job. I wont give away the ending but it was kinda disappointing. But the whole movie is based on the true story of Valkyrie, so I guess they couldn't really change the ending anyway.
So yesterday, after the little morning speech and my terribly hurt feelings and slight anger at the situations at hand, filled out 28 job applications for various places. I also sent out a mass email to everyone I know that lives nearby about my starting a cleaning business. I have a possibility for a every-other-week job for someone in our SS class, and a couple of emails about possible jobs for others. We shall see - I would love to be able to have 3-4 houses every week and I could quit here (with no shame, now). I feel a lot better after just giving myself some time to calm down, and as I was relaying to Jay last night everything that she said, he was getting super mad on my behalf and agreed - it is time to LEAVE here. I'm really praying about it - I keep reminding myself that whatever job I can get to leave here will only be for a year or so, and I can make it that long. I know I wont be truly happy in any job until I'm home with Miller babies. That's all I want anyway.
So yesterday, after the little morning speech and my terribly hurt feelings and slight anger at the situations at hand, filled out 28 job applications for various places. I also sent out a mass email to everyone I know that lives nearby about my starting a cleaning business. I have a possibility for a every-other-week job for someone in our SS class, and a couple of emails about possible jobs for others. We shall see - I would love to be able to have 3-4 houses every week and I could quit here (with no shame, now). I feel a lot better after just giving myself some time to calm down, and as I was relaying to Jay last night everything that she said, he was getting super mad on my behalf and agreed - it is time to LEAVE here. I'm really praying about it - I keep reminding myself that whatever job I can get to leave here will only be for a year or so, and I can make it that long. I know I wont be truly happy in any job until I'm home with Miller babies. That's all I want anyway.
Monday, January 12, 2009
January 12, 2009
So many emotions I've felt today.....I didn't sleep well at all last night for various reasons. I woke up feeling kind of sad (stupid birth control hormones) and just didn't feel like even getting out of bed. Once I got going I felt a little better. I hated leaving b/c I feel like I never see Jay and he's home all day and I'm......stuck here.
I was feeling great (irony) about being at work, though slightly annoyed at the fact that I could have been given the chance to sleep in a little today since she didn't have to be at work until after lunch. Anyhoo, the morning progressed and I got my feelings hurt over some things she said (that the kiddo said) and even though I knew it wasn't true, it still bothered me a lot. I feel so unappreciated sometimes and now even more is being asked of me. It's a long story that I don't feel like going into. So I've spent all day looking for jobs - anything. With both of us being so miserable with our jobs, it sucks knowing we're probably both stuck for awhile.....we can't afford a paycut - we're paying bills but not getting ahead at all as it is.
So now it's 4pm and I can't wait to go home and see my sweetheart. I miss him lots today.
I was feeling great (irony) about being at work, though slightly annoyed at the fact that I could have been given the chance to sleep in a little today since she didn't have to be at work until after lunch. Anyhoo, the morning progressed and I got my feelings hurt over some things she said (that the kiddo said) and even though I knew it wasn't true, it still bothered me a lot. I feel so unappreciated sometimes and now even more is being asked of me. It's a long story that I don't feel like going into. So I've spent all day looking for jobs - anything. With both of us being so miserable with our jobs, it sucks knowing we're probably both stuck for awhile.....we can't afford a paycut - we're paying bills but not getting ahead at all as it is.
So now it's 4pm and I can't wait to go home and see my sweetheart. I miss him lots today.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
January 10, 2009
Haven't blogged lately......haven't really felt like it, I guess. This past week was fairly boring, but easy - the dad has been out of the house and that always makes my day feel better, like I'm not having to answer to anyone for my choice of a 9am naptime for the baby. Speaking of, she turned one year old on Friday. I've still been searching for something with less hours but have been more content with knowing I'm probably here for the long haul. On March 10, I will have been there a year....and am supposed to get a raise (so says the Nanny Connection lady) and I could really use one but am not holding my breath for it.
Jay is starting to job-hunt again. These long nights and lack of sleep and no sleep schedule is getting too overwhelming. So if you know of anything, let us know. =)
Today has been relaxing - makes me glad I did my cleaning the other night. I slept until 10 this morning and then met my friend Katy at the mall to go to a couple stores, then Jay and Katy's husband Jeremy met us at Ruby Tuesday for lunch, after their rabbit hunting fiasco this morning. I finally got to use my Bath & Body gift card from last year and they were having a HUGE sale - I got 6 things for $26! My card was for $25 and I paid a whole dollar for a wallflower, 2 refills, 2 bottles of shower gel, and some lotion. Jackpot. =)
I made stuffed bell peppers for dinner tonight - one of my favorites. I'm ready for bed....so sleepy....
Jay is starting to job-hunt again. These long nights and lack of sleep and no sleep schedule is getting too overwhelming. So if you know of anything, let us know. =)
Today has been relaxing - makes me glad I did my cleaning the other night. I slept until 10 this morning and then met my friend Katy at the mall to go to a couple stores, then Jay and Katy's husband Jeremy met us at Ruby Tuesday for lunch, after their rabbit hunting fiasco this morning. I finally got to use my Bath & Body gift card from last year and they were having a HUGE sale - I got 6 things for $26! My card was for $25 and I paid a whole dollar for a wallflower, 2 refills, 2 bottles of shower gel, and some lotion. Jackpot. =)
I made stuffed bell peppers for dinner tonight - one of my favorites. I'm ready for bed....so sleepy....
Monday, January 5, 2009
January 5, 2009
Today has been a much better day than I thought it was going to be. It was so hard to get up this morning - I was so tired from sleeping in so late yesterday, and I still felt funky when I got up. I'm starting to think it's the stress of knowing I feel so "stuck" here. I don't know what else it could be.
So far things are going well with Jay's bday party prep - I have 7 ppl confirmed! Plus us, so that will be a good outcome if all show up.....still waiting to hear back from 2 or 3. I'm still thinking about what kind of cake to get and where to buy it from.....he loves ice cream cake but the one we got from Publix for our rehearsal dinner was over $60, lol.....not doing that this time around.
Today has been pretty laid back - I was alone all morning with Allie, which is just the way I prefer it - makes the day go very smoothly. I may have to stay late today but at least they ASKED me this time if I minded, instead of just showing up whenever. I did want to go to the gym this evening but it will depend on what time I get off. I already went to the grocery store this morning, so I probably need to get the perishables in the fridge at home asap.
This blog is pretty boring today, sorry.
So far things are going well with Jay's bday party prep - I have 7 ppl confirmed! Plus us, so that will be a good outcome if all show up.....still waiting to hear back from 2 or 3. I'm still thinking about what kind of cake to get and where to buy it from.....he loves ice cream cake but the one we got from Publix for our rehearsal dinner was over $60, lol.....not doing that this time around.
Today has been pretty laid back - I was alone all morning with Allie, which is just the way I prefer it - makes the day go very smoothly. I may have to stay late today but at least they ASKED me this time if I minded, instead of just showing up whenever. I did want to go to the gym this evening but it will depend on what time I get off. I already went to the grocery store this morning, so I probably need to get the perishables in the fridge at home asap.
This blog is pretty boring today, sorry.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
January 4, 2009
So this weekend has been pretty boring. I hate it when Jay has to work the weekend b/c we get no time together at all - which means we havent had any time during the week and weekends are our only time, so when he works, it'll be another 5 days before we have the chance to have more than ten minutes here or there. He's really starting to hate this job and I do, too. It's the weirdest schedule I've ever seen and it has really screwed up his sleep pattern.
Anyway, I'm working on devising a plan for his birthday dinner. I dont want to do a surprise dinner, b/c he has said multiple times he wouldn't want one, but I want to keep it a secret until at least the day before or day of. I'm shooting for the day before his bday - gathering with some friends at Texas Roadhouse for a fun dinner and some cake afterward (absolutely no singing involved). I emailed all our friends and am just waiting to hear back from ppl - so far there are 6 who can come. I'm hoping for about 12 or so.
Last night was really lonely here w/o him - I texted/called everyone I could think of to see if they wanted to go to dinner or hang out, but everyone was busy and I was bummed. Tonight I don't feel like going out, but it's still pretty lonely here w/o him. I dread going back to work tomorrow b/c now there are no holidays to rescue me.....no more breaks or time off unless I take a day off. That's kind of a downer for me b/c the last two weeks have spoiled me - working a day here, a couple days there - it's been really nice. But now it's back to the 50+ hrs with no relief. I AM grateful to have a job as I know how hard it is to try to find one right now - I don't want to complain so much, but this blog is about my feelings and that is currently how I'm feeling. =)
Anyway, I'm working on devising a plan for his birthday dinner. I dont want to do a surprise dinner, b/c he has said multiple times he wouldn't want one, but I want to keep it a secret until at least the day before or day of. I'm shooting for the day before his bday - gathering with some friends at Texas Roadhouse for a fun dinner and some cake afterward (absolutely no singing involved). I emailed all our friends and am just waiting to hear back from ppl - so far there are 6 who can come. I'm hoping for about 12 or so.
Last night was really lonely here w/o him - I texted/called everyone I could think of to see if they wanted to go to dinner or hang out, but everyone was busy and I was bummed. Tonight I don't feel like going out, but it's still pretty lonely here w/o him. I dread going back to work tomorrow b/c now there are no holidays to rescue me.....no more breaks or time off unless I take a day off. That's kind of a downer for me b/c the last two weeks have spoiled me - working a day here, a couple days there - it's been really nice. But now it's back to the 50+ hrs with no relief. I AM grateful to have a job as I know how hard it is to try to find one right now - I don't want to complain so much, but this blog is about my feelings and that is currently how I'm feeling. =)
Saturday, January 3, 2009
January 3, 2009
Been a few days......
We went to dinner and to see a movie on New Year's evening with Jessica, Michael, and Tim. We went to TGIFriday for dinner and we were late as usual. The dog fence was broken (again) and it took us a couple of hours to attempt to fix it. I got up that morning when Jay got home from work and made breakfast and then we both went to sleep. I got up around 2:30 to feed the puppies and Jay got up a little after 3. We went to Home Depot to get more wire for the fence and were still working on it at 5:30, when we were supposed to be leaving for dinner. I was really frustrated b/c I HATE being late but it seems like we're always late to everything....I guess ppl have come to expect it. I still think it's a bad show of character though.
Anyway, we gave up on the fence and went in to shower and get ready for dinner. We showed up at 6:30 (sorry, ya'll) and we all got our food and ate. Tim decided to go home instead of the movie, so the four of us were left. We went to see "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button." It was REALLY good - a little drawn out at time, but still very worth the $19 it costs to get two ppl into a movie (ridiculous). Movies are so expensive - it cost us a total of $37 for 2 tickets, 2 drinks, and 1 box of popcorn. I loooooove movie popcorn. No matter how much you doctor up bagged popcorn, it's never the same.
We got home around midnight and I had to get up at 7:00 for work the next morning (got an extra half hour before the usual "clock-in" time). I woke up around 3am b/c Jay wasn't sleeping and that usually wakes me up. So......I was up but it was fine - we watched tv for awhile and I made some breakfast. I forgot to mention that on New Year's Day, I went from 6:15p (the evening before) to 7pm the day of without eating anything. I wanted to see if that would eliminate the nausea I'd been having for nearly a week straight. Seemed to fix the problem - I havent had any since. I got to work at 8:00......the entire house was dark and quiet. That's always really awkward for me to just sit around and wait for ppl to wake up. Anyway, by 9:00 everyone was up and off on their errands. My understanding was I was going to work just a couple of hours b/c that's what I was told, but I was there until about noon. It turned out to be okay, but I really like to know what's going on and when things change, it's hard for me. I like a schedule and structure.
This morning Jay went rabbit-hunting and I slept until about 10:00. I took the puppies for their shots and came back to clean the house. I vacuumed all the carpets, cleaned the master bath and kitchen and dusted all the furniture. Now I'm waiting for Jay to get home and he's going to sleep for a couple hours before work tonight.
We went to dinner and to see a movie on New Year's evening with Jessica, Michael, and Tim. We went to TGIFriday for dinner and we were late as usual. The dog fence was broken (again) and it took us a couple of hours to attempt to fix it. I got up that morning when Jay got home from work and made breakfast and then we both went to sleep. I got up around 2:30 to feed the puppies and Jay got up a little after 3. We went to Home Depot to get more wire for the fence and were still working on it at 5:30, when we were supposed to be leaving for dinner. I was really frustrated b/c I HATE being late but it seems like we're always late to everything....I guess ppl have come to expect it. I still think it's a bad show of character though.
Anyway, we gave up on the fence and went in to shower and get ready for dinner. We showed up at 6:30 (sorry, ya'll) and we all got our food and ate. Tim decided to go home instead of the movie, so the four of us were left. We went to see "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button." It was REALLY good - a little drawn out at time, but still very worth the $19 it costs to get two ppl into a movie (ridiculous). Movies are so expensive - it cost us a total of $37 for 2 tickets, 2 drinks, and 1 box of popcorn. I loooooove movie popcorn. No matter how much you doctor up bagged popcorn, it's never the same.
We got home around midnight and I had to get up at 7:00 for work the next morning (got an extra half hour before the usual "clock-in" time). I woke up around 3am b/c Jay wasn't sleeping and that usually wakes me up. So......I was up but it was fine - we watched tv for awhile and I made some breakfast. I forgot to mention that on New Year's Day, I went from 6:15p (the evening before) to 7pm the day of without eating anything. I wanted to see if that would eliminate the nausea I'd been having for nearly a week straight. Seemed to fix the problem - I havent had any since. I got to work at 8:00......the entire house was dark and quiet. That's always really awkward for me to just sit around and wait for ppl to wake up. Anyway, by 9:00 everyone was up and off on their errands. My understanding was I was going to work just a couple of hours b/c that's what I was told, but I was there until about noon. It turned out to be okay, but I really like to know what's going on and when things change, it's hard for me. I like a schedule and structure.
This morning Jay went rabbit-hunting and I slept until about 10:00. I took the puppies for their shots and came back to clean the house. I vacuumed all the carpets, cleaned the master bath and kitchen and dusted all the furniture. Now I'm waiting for Jay to get home and he's going to sleep for a couple hours before work tonight.
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