Down 3.5 lbs this week!!!!! I got on the scale this morning having already resigned myself to the fact that I had probably actually gained a pound or two....this week was busy getting things prepped for my parents' anniversary party and our Christmas program this week. I only got to get outside and walk 3 afternoons, and there were 3 days I didn't even get to do the Wii b/c it was either super late by the time I finished all I had to do, or I was just so exhausted I couldn't do it. Plus, at the anniversary party, I got the only thing there I could really eat and it wasn't really that great for me. (I did my best, but going out to eat is just not good for this program, lol)
Anyway, long story short - 3.5 lbs!!!! I was so happy!! That makes a total of 37.5 lbs total since October 16th. I never would have thought it was going to happen like this, but so far, so good. Yesterday I had my first experience with my blood pressure dropping low, and it was a little scary. I felt lightheaded all day, but I got up from the couch at one point and thought I was literally going to pass out. Jay suggested I take my blood pressure and it was something like 98/51....the lowest I've ever seen it. That might not be super low, I'm not really sure, but I really felt weird. So this morning I split my medicine in half and I've felt fine.....think I'll do that from now on. Hopefully by my next dr. visit I wont have to take it anymore. The diet/exercise has really been helping.
This next week is going to be super busy. We have a work Christmas party tomorrow night, but I'm not planning on going for various reasons. Wednesday morning I have a team meeting, then something on Wednesday afternoon. Thursday evening is our Christmas program, which somehow I got voted into playing piano for and I REALLY REALLY dont want to. Friday morning I have a lead meeting for work and after 3pm on Friday I will be singing the Hallelujah Chorus.
But speaking of all that, say a prayer for me on Wednesday around 4pm, if you think of it. I'll disclose more later, but for now we'll call it an unspoken.
Less than 2 weeks until Christmas!!! Jay's parents are coming up on the 23rd to spend the holiday with us. We're eating at my aunt's house that evening for that side of the family's annual tradition, and of course, on Christmas morning, we'll be having biscuits & gravy at my parents' house. Well, everyone else will.....I cant eat have it, but I'll bring my own breakfast. :)
We finally got our tree last weekend - it's not in the greatest place ever, but it does the trick. We got it decorated and put our presents under it.....if I had a dollar for every time someone's tail has knocked an ornament off, I would be rich. =)
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
December 5, 2010
It's been a busy few weeks.....I'll just do the highlights so I don't get bogged down in the details and the slight sarcasm that surrounds my life drowns out this blog.
Am down to a total of 34 lbs lost since mid-October! Thanksgiving was not as hard as I thought it would be.....I did want that hashbrown casserole but I didn't touch it. I knew if I did, I wouldn't be able to eat just a spoonful, so I didn't have any at all.
Lost a few hours at work and not having much luck getting an answer about fixing it. It's a pretty decent financial hit for us, so other options are being discussed.
Tried out a new church in Greer this morning (the church is not new, but for us, it was) - we love Calvary but it's just too far to keep driving and we never get to do anything or get involved b/c we live an hour away. I wont say the name of the church we visited this morning but it's safe bet we won't be going back. =) Next week we're going to try a different one....we have a list of churches we want to check out in Greer/Taylors. If you have any recommendations, we welcome it. We're looking for a SMALL Baptist church in/around Greer.
Those are the highlights.
Am down to a total of 34 lbs lost since mid-October! Thanksgiving was not as hard as I thought it would be.....I did want that hashbrown casserole but I didn't touch it. I knew if I did, I wouldn't be able to eat just a spoonful, so I didn't have any at all.
Lost a few hours at work and not having much luck getting an answer about fixing it. It's a pretty decent financial hit for us, so other options are being discussed.
Tried out a new church in Greer this morning (the church is not new, but for us, it was) - we love Calvary but it's just too far to keep driving and we never get to do anything or get involved b/c we live an hour away. I wont say the name of the church we visited this morning but it's safe bet we won't be going back. =) Next week we're going to try a different one....we have a list of churches we want to check out in Greer/Taylors. If you have any recommendations, we welcome it. We're looking for a SMALL Baptist church in/around Greer.
Those are the highlights.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
November 20, 2010
Wow, so much for blogging every week, right? Who really thought I was going to keep up with that? Well.....I did....at first....
Lots has happened in the...21...days since I last blogged! I've now lost a total of 28 lbs in my new lifestyle change!! I've kept up every single day with the Wii Fit and every day possible with the walking/jogging/running. On Mondays and Tuesdays, I have a late afternoon client, so I'm not home until it's already dark out. That's a real bummer for me b/c I want to stay on top of the exercise and I don't like taking a mini-break.....I also don't like being outside in the dark, so I just settle for an extra half-hour or so on the Wii those nights.
We're really looking forward to the holidays! The last couple of years I really have not been in much of a holiday mood, but something struck in me this year and I have been decorating the house like crazy. Jay's family is coming into town earrrrrrrly (as in 3am early) Thursday morning and will be spending several days with us. I always look forward to that. We'll be eating dinner at my parents' house (yes, all of us! love that everyone gets along in this family!) and I'll be cooking a mini-Thanksgiving dinner on Friday for the 6 of us. Who knows what all else we'll get into by Sunday, but we always enjoy spending time with them.
Work is going well....I still have some very unanswered-questions right now about a few things, but time will tell me the answers I need. We only have 2 days this week and then we're off. I will do an at-home session with one child on Wednesday morning and then finish my errands and cleaning before the company comes. I have pictures of all my fall decorating and I fully intend to post it on Facebook, but somebody may need to remind me.....often.
What will you be doing for Thanksgiving?
Lots has happened in the...21...days since I last blogged! I've now lost a total of 28 lbs in my new lifestyle change!! I've kept up every single day with the Wii Fit and every day possible with the walking/jogging/running. On Mondays and Tuesdays, I have a late afternoon client, so I'm not home until it's already dark out. That's a real bummer for me b/c I want to stay on top of the exercise and I don't like taking a mini-break.....I also don't like being outside in the dark, so I just settle for an extra half-hour or so on the Wii those nights.
We're really looking forward to the holidays! The last couple of years I really have not been in much of a holiday mood, but something struck in me this year and I have been decorating the house like crazy. Jay's family is coming into town earrrrrrrly (as in 3am early) Thursday morning and will be spending several days with us. I always look forward to that. We'll be eating dinner at my parents' house (yes, all of us! love that everyone gets along in this family!) and I'll be cooking a mini-Thanksgiving dinner on Friday for the 6 of us. Who knows what all else we'll get into by Sunday, but we always enjoy spending time with them.
Work is going well....I still have some very unanswered-questions right now about a few things, but time will tell me the answers I need. We only have 2 days this week and then we're off. I will do an at-home session with one child on Wednesday morning and then finish my errands and cleaning before the company comes. I have pictures of all my fall decorating and I fully intend to post it on Facebook, but somebody may need to remind me.....often.
What will you be doing for Thanksgiving?
Saturday, October 30, 2010
October 30, 2010
Hard to believe October is almost over. It's my favorite month of the year, for several reasons. Our anniversary is this month, and the leaves really begin changing, and I love love love the transition to cooler weather. Anyone who knows me knows I HATE hot weather and I HATE being hot at all, so summer is not my forte. I think fall is so nice for me b/c it's just a relief from the cool weather. I'm always happy to see it come and sad to see it fade away into winter.
October has been a month of many changes for me. If you follow my blog, you'll know that just two weeks ago I radically changed my diet and exercise habits. I lost 12 lbs the first week, which I'm sure was mostly water weight due to the drastic drop in sodium, but hey, pounds are pounds. This week I've been proud to say I've lost another FOUR pounds!!! I've been working really hard to keep my calorie and sodium count down and keep up with at least 30-45 minutes of heavy exercise every day.
I can really see a difference in my clothing as well - my shirts are too big now and my jeans are getting roomy.....I haven't tried on the next size down just yet....I'm a little chicken to find out that they still wont fit, but I'll do it one of these days.
Jay wanted to go to dinner last night. It was the first time eating out since I've started this new life and I was very uneasy about it. We went to Ruby Tuesday since they have a big salad bar and I had one plate with oil & vinegar dressing - I ate the healthiest I possibly could but I still don't feel great about it. There were a lot of things I could have eaten at home for the calories put into that salad, but I have to learn how to make the wisest choices when we do eat out, so might as well get used to it.
I've been keeping a detailed food journal every day - writing down what I eat and how many milligrams of sodium it has, along with how many calories it has. I also write down how many calories I burn each day (I LOVE that Wii Fit calculator!!).
I feel so much better than I've ever felt - I have so much more energy and I don't feel like I need to munch all the time. I finally feel like this is my new life, not just a fad I'm doing temporarily.
More updates next Saturday!
October has been a month of many changes for me. If you follow my blog, you'll know that just two weeks ago I radically changed my diet and exercise habits. I lost 12 lbs the first week, which I'm sure was mostly water weight due to the drastic drop in sodium, but hey, pounds are pounds. This week I've been proud to say I've lost another FOUR pounds!!! I've been working really hard to keep my calorie and sodium count down and keep up with at least 30-45 minutes of heavy exercise every day.
I can really see a difference in my clothing as well - my shirts are too big now and my jeans are getting roomy.....I haven't tried on the next size down just yet....I'm a little chicken to find out that they still wont fit, but I'll do it one of these days.
Jay wanted to go to dinner last night. It was the first time eating out since I've started this new life and I was very uneasy about it. We went to Ruby Tuesday since they have a big salad bar and I had one plate with oil & vinegar dressing - I ate the healthiest I possibly could but I still don't feel great about it. There were a lot of things I could have eaten at home for the calories put into that salad, but I have to learn how to make the wisest choices when we do eat out, so might as well get used to it.
I've been keeping a detailed food journal every day - writing down what I eat and how many milligrams of sodium it has, along with how many calories it has. I also write down how many calories I burn each day (I LOVE that Wii Fit calculator!!).
I feel so much better than I've ever felt - I have so much more energy and I don't feel like I need to munch all the time. I finally feel like this is my new life, not just a fad I'm doing temporarily.
More updates next Saturday!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
October 23, 2010
Well it's been about a week since my last post, so here is an update:
I have lost TWELVE pounds since last week!! I have been cutting out 95% of the sodium I used to eat and trying to watch the calories as well, and it hasn't been nearly as hard as I thought it might be. I've had nothing but water to drink and that's been a little more difficult. I gave up soda 2 weeks ago tomorrow and while that wasn't as hard as I thought, I really miss milk. I can have it, but I have to limit it to 1-2 cups (measuring cups, NOT glasses, unfortunately) and it just has way too many milligrams for me to waste on one drink. Plus, I like to chug milk like it's going out of style and 1 cup doesnt allow for much chugging. :)
I started walking with Gavin every single evening at the lake park by our house, for 20-30 minutes. I try to keep it brisk and I get an even bigger workout when Gavin spots one of the 5 million cats that live around the fire station, b/c I have to pull hard to reign him in. Sigh. :) I've also been spending 30-45 minutes on the Wii Fit, doing a mix of the rhythm boxing and other aerobic workouts. I could really tell a difference toward the end of this week - my once-comfortable jeans were getting loose.
I gathered up my courage and weighed myself this morning........12 lbs lost in 8 days!! I couldn't believe it! I know a lot comes off in the beginning and it will slow down, but I've been doing a lot of research on how to lose more than just that one pesky pound every week, and by continuing on this low sodium/calorie diet and keeping up with the amount of exercise I've been doing, I should be able to lose about 2-4 lbs per week. Sounds great to me.
It took me over 10 years to gather this willpower.....for so long I've tried this diet and that diet and whenever I wanted something, I always justified my want and fell off the wagon, so to speak. I have never felt like I have now, where just yesterday I was able to turn down my most favorite food in the world - french fries. Not the nasty ones like Mcdonalds makes, but the really good ones you get at the Clock or Petes. They smelled SO good but I kept reminding myself of all the progress I've seen this week and how much BETTER I feel and that a french fry is NOT worth giving up all of that.
It worked.
A few weeks ago that would never have worked. I would have eaten it anyway just because I wanted it. I can't tell you how much better I feel - I can get up in the mornings w/o feeling so sluggish (though I'd still like to take a hammer to the alarm clock) and I'm tired at a reasonable hours for bedtime....I sleep more soundly and I have so much more energy. Nothing I've ever tried before has ever done ANY of that for me.
My shirts are already fitting better as well as my jeans. I have a total goal in mind that I want to have reached by this time next year. I'm not ready to give you the actual number yet but I'm already a lot closer than I thought I would be after just one week. :)
I have lost TWELVE pounds since last week!! I have been cutting out 95% of the sodium I used to eat and trying to watch the calories as well, and it hasn't been nearly as hard as I thought it might be. I've had nothing but water to drink and that's been a little more difficult. I gave up soda 2 weeks ago tomorrow and while that wasn't as hard as I thought, I really miss milk. I can have it, but I have to limit it to 1-2 cups (measuring cups, NOT glasses, unfortunately) and it just has way too many milligrams for me to waste on one drink. Plus, I like to chug milk like it's going out of style and 1 cup doesnt allow for much chugging. :)
I started walking with Gavin every single evening at the lake park by our house, for 20-30 minutes. I try to keep it brisk and I get an even bigger workout when Gavin spots one of the 5 million cats that live around the fire station, b/c I have to pull hard to reign him in. Sigh. :) I've also been spending 30-45 minutes on the Wii Fit, doing a mix of the rhythm boxing and other aerobic workouts. I could really tell a difference toward the end of this week - my once-comfortable jeans were getting loose.
I gathered up my courage and weighed myself this morning........12 lbs lost in 8 days!! I couldn't believe it! I know a lot comes off in the beginning and it will slow down, but I've been doing a lot of research on how to lose more than just that one pesky pound every week, and by continuing on this low sodium/calorie diet and keeping up with the amount of exercise I've been doing, I should be able to lose about 2-4 lbs per week. Sounds great to me.
It took me over 10 years to gather this willpower.....for so long I've tried this diet and that diet and whenever I wanted something, I always justified my want and fell off the wagon, so to speak. I have never felt like I have now, where just yesterday I was able to turn down my most favorite food in the world - french fries. Not the nasty ones like Mcdonalds makes, but the really good ones you get at the Clock or Petes. They smelled SO good but I kept reminding myself of all the progress I've seen this week and how much BETTER I feel and that a french fry is NOT worth giving up all of that.
It worked.
A few weeks ago that would never have worked. I would have eaten it anyway just because I wanted it. I can't tell you how much better I feel - I can get up in the mornings w/o feeling so sluggish (though I'd still like to take a hammer to the alarm clock) and I'm tired at a reasonable hours for bedtime....I sleep more soundly and I have so much more energy. Nothing I've ever tried before has ever done ANY of that for me.
My shirts are already fitting better as well as my jeans. I have a total goal in mind that I want to have reached by this time next year. I'm not ready to give you the actual number yet but I'm already a lot closer than I thought I would be after just one week. :)
Saturday, October 16, 2010
October 16, 2010
Today I started a new lifestyle - I'm cutting down dramatically on the salt and fat intake in my foods and drinking nothing but water (and the occasional sip of tea to ward off those caffeine-withdrawal headaches every few days). I've noticed in the last few weeks that my shoes aren't fitting the way they should be - but not in the length of my feet, more so they've been tight across the tops of my feet. I guess I didn't pay that much attention to it, but I bought some Danskos on Ebay a few weeks ago and was really bummed they didn't fit. I couldn't even get them past the tops of my feet and I've always had flat feet and no issues with getting shoes to fit. I thought maybe they looked a little swollen but thought it was just from having been on my feet so much lately.
Mom brought it to my attention yesterday that my feet looked very swollen and asked if I kept tabs on my blood pressure........which I don't. I hadn't even thought about it being related to blood pressure but when she said that, it all made sense. I looked up some symptoms last night and realized I have 90% of them - terrifying.
I made a dr appt for this upcoming week to talk about some options. I dont want to go on meds if I dont have to - if I can control it with diet/exercise, I'd much rather go that route. We cleaned out our fridge/pantry and made 2 sections - things I can eat and things I can't. All I can say it's a good thing I like fruit. :)
I'm determined to do this - I'm keeping a daily journal of what I eat and the sodium that's in it. We recently joined the gym and while it's really difficult for me to go by myself (out of my comfort zone when I dont know or have anyone to talk to), I'm committing to going 5x a week. Jay is going on Mon/Tues/Wed evenings when he doesnt have to go to work until midnight, so we'll be able to go together then. I'm really looking forward to this.
Today I took the dogs...well, Baylee & Gavin (guess I should specify when we do have 7 dogs, lol) to the park near our house. We live less than a mile from a really nice recreational park on Lake Cunningham, and it's a great place to walk. Gavin LOVES to go and gets so excited when you mention the word "park." I like to take either Gavin or Stinky b/c Gavin is a good protector and Stinky, while nothing but a big baby, at least creates the illusion that he could really hurt someone since he's so big. Baylee likes the idea of going but really doesnt think I should be making her walk when we're there...she just wants to be carried. Anyway, I digress....we went to the park for a long walk. Jay gave me his MP3 player he used a couple of years ago, b/c my phone is having a difficult time playing music and I'm super frustrated with it. He helped me get all my music downloaded this afternoon and I took it with me - a GREAT way to kill the boring time walking in circles.
Jay had a couple of dr appts and labwork in the last couple of weeks and turns out he has a severe vitamin D deficiency. They gave him a prescription vitamin D medication and it is AMAZING the difference it has made in him! I'm still in shock at the different person he has been the last 2 days since he took it. He's energetic, looking for things to do, getting things done, and just happy in general. Before this medicine, he was so tired all the time, depressed, never wanted to do anything, and just generally unhappy. Amazing the difference just a mega-vitamin can do. He had tried multiple things over the last few months and nothing made any difference, but this does. We are both loving it! =)
I hope to blog more often on my progress, so be on the lookout for more than 1 blog per season. :)
Mom brought it to my attention yesterday that my feet looked very swollen and asked if I kept tabs on my blood pressure........which I don't. I hadn't even thought about it being related to blood pressure but when she said that, it all made sense. I looked up some symptoms last night and realized I have 90% of them - terrifying.
I made a dr appt for this upcoming week to talk about some options. I dont want to go on meds if I dont have to - if I can control it with diet/exercise, I'd much rather go that route. We cleaned out our fridge/pantry and made 2 sections - things I can eat and things I can't. All I can say it's a good thing I like fruit. :)
I'm determined to do this - I'm keeping a daily journal of what I eat and the sodium that's in it. We recently joined the gym and while it's really difficult for me to go by myself (out of my comfort zone when I dont know or have anyone to talk to), I'm committing to going 5x a week. Jay is going on Mon/Tues/Wed evenings when he doesnt have to go to work until midnight, so we'll be able to go together then. I'm really looking forward to this.
Today I took the dogs...well, Baylee & Gavin (guess I should specify when we do have 7 dogs, lol) to the park near our house. We live less than a mile from a really nice recreational park on Lake Cunningham, and it's a great place to walk. Gavin LOVES to go and gets so excited when you mention the word "park." I like to take either Gavin or Stinky b/c Gavin is a good protector and Stinky, while nothing but a big baby, at least creates the illusion that he could really hurt someone since he's so big. Baylee likes the idea of going but really doesnt think I should be making her walk when we're there...she just wants to be carried. Anyway, I digress....we went to the park for a long walk. Jay gave me his MP3 player he used a couple of years ago, b/c my phone is having a difficult time playing music and I'm super frustrated with it. He helped me get all my music downloaded this afternoon and I took it with me - a GREAT way to kill the boring time walking in circles.
Jay had a couple of dr appts and labwork in the last couple of weeks and turns out he has a severe vitamin D deficiency. They gave him a prescription vitamin D medication and it is AMAZING the difference it has made in him! I'm still in shock at the different person he has been the last 2 days since he took it. He's energetic, looking for things to do, getting things done, and just happy in general. Before this medicine, he was so tired all the time, depressed, never wanted to do anything, and just generally unhappy. Amazing the difference just a mega-vitamin can do. He had tried multiple things over the last few months and nothing made any difference, but this does. We are both loving it! =)
I hope to blog more often on my progress, so be on the lookout for more than 1 blog per season. :)
Monday, October 4, 2010
October 4, 2010
Wow, it's been an entire season since I last updated! Sorry for the delay, not that you were on the edge of your seat wondering what's been going on in my life, but it's been a busy summer!
Here's a quick summary of the last few months --
***We went to Indiana in early July for Jay's brother Chad's wedding - it was a beautiful wedding and a great (whirlwind) weekend!
***In early August, we got our 4th (and LAST) beagle for Jay's hunting pack - a puppy named Dixie. She is definitely her own little personality and is going to be a good hunter for him. She's extremely hard-headed but very sweet.
***Fall schedules started at my job and I *finally* am considered a "lead therapist" now. This will be great for our budget. :)
***Jay was promised to be hired "permanently" at Cryovac (meaning HUGE pay raise and great benefits) but at the last minute they screwed him over and didn't even have the courtesy to tell him themselves. So he is still there while searching for a job that will appreciate him the way they should (Can you tell I'm still pretty pissed about this?)
***I quit taking Reliv in August...it had been 6+ months and I saw absolutely no change whatsoever, so I'm even more convinced that it's just a marketing ploy to make money in those barely-legal pyramid schemes. Also found out that it was the reason I suddenly became lactose-intolerant AND had sudden cycle issues....went off it and everything has gone back to normal....an interesting fact that has not gone unnoticed to me and others I have talked to who have the same feelings.
***I started my own business recently - making baby shower favors, diaper cakes, gift baskets, and lots more! They can be shipped anywhere in the US, so check it out sometime - http://miller-diapercakes.webs.com
***Today is our 2-year anniversary. We're going to the beach Friday-Monday for a mini-vacation that we both are in need of. :)
Guess those are the main highlights. I won't promise to update more, b/c it probably won't happen. :) Have a great week!
Here's a quick summary of the last few months --
***We went to Indiana in early July for Jay's brother Chad's wedding - it was a beautiful wedding and a great (whirlwind) weekend!
***In early August, we got our 4th (and LAST) beagle for Jay's hunting pack - a puppy named Dixie. She is definitely her own little personality and is going to be a good hunter for him. She's extremely hard-headed but very sweet.
***Fall schedules started at my job and I *finally* am considered a "lead therapist" now. This will be great for our budget. :)
***Jay was promised to be hired "permanently" at Cryovac (meaning HUGE pay raise and great benefits) but at the last minute they screwed him over and didn't even have the courtesy to tell him themselves. So he is still there while searching for a job that will appreciate him the way they should (Can you tell I'm still pretty pissed about this?)
***I quit taking Reliv in August...it had been 6+ months and I saw absolutely no change whatsoever, so I'm even more convinced that it's just a marketing ploy to make money in those barely-legal pyramid schemes. Also found out that it was the reason I suddenly became lactose-intolerant AND had sudden cycle issues....went off it and everything has gone back to normal....an interesting fact that has not gone unnoticed to me and others I have talked to who have the same feelings.
***I started my own business recently - making baby shower favors, diaper cakes, gift baskets, and lots more! They can be shipped anywhere in the US, so check it out sometime - http://miller-diapercakes.webs.com
***Today is our 2-year anniversary. We're going to the beach Friday-Monday for a mini-vacation that we both are in need of. :)
Guess those are the main highlights. I won't promise to update more, b/c it probably won't happen. :) Have a great week!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
May 5, 2010
So last night I'm trying to have an online conversation with someone I've known for 20+ years.....we used to be the best of friends. I've tried to keep in touch often since high school but after a point, I just got tired of trying. Conversation should not feel like you're trying to pull teeth - pull and pull and all you get is resistance. Seriously, this is how the conversation went:
me: hey!!
other person (OP): hi
me: how are you?
op: good u?
me: doing pretty well. havent talked in awhile. how are things with your family and bf?
op: fine
At some point I even asked if she had anything new or interesting to talk about and she said, "no, u?"
Guess I don't then.
And it went on like this for about 10 minutes. I continued to ask questions and get one-word answers. I asked if she knew about my sister, as I had sent out a text to all of my friends the night we got pathology back....she said yes she had gotten the text. Well, thanks for acknowledging the fact that yes, you DID get my heartbreaking news and not caring enough to even text me back. For years I have tried and tried to continue some sort of friendship with this person and it always seems like it's ME that's doing all of the initiating. I'm always the one to send a "hi" text or invite them to a friend's dinner (only to hear the latest excuse of why she can't make it.....none of which I ever believe) or ask how their family is doing or anything like that.............the ONLY time this person has initiated any kind of conversation with me is when they needed a job a few months ago. Not to mention I really put myself out to get that person a job at the place where I work - really went to bat for them, and in the end they never even called the company back after numerous phone calls/emails from the company. That was when I said I was done trying to have any kind of friendship, b/c obviously, I'm the only one who gives a crap. I always say that and then I think of something I want to tell her or wish her a good day or something - ANYTHING - to let her I know I still want her friendship. Then it goes like last night's convo did and I swear that I'm just going to quit b/c I'm tired of trying so hard and getting no response in return. I feel like I've given and given and they just don't care and it's so hurtful. Last night was it for me, so I'm done. You have your own life and you obviously don't give a rat's ass about mine. No more texts, no more calls, no more invites to things when you obviously don't want to hang out with us in the first place....I'm done. We had the best friendship for so long, but it's not my fault that it's ending. I'm tired of putting myself out there for you and I'm done.
Goodbye.
me: hey!!
other person (OP): hi
me: how are you?
op: good u?
me: doing pretty well. havent talked in awhile. how are things with your family and bf?
op: fine
At some point I even asked if she had anything new or interesting to talk about and she said, "no, u?"
Guess I don't then.
And it went on like this for about 10 minutes. I continued to ask questions and get one-word answers. I asked if she knew about my sister, as I had sent out a text to all of my friends the night we got pathology back....she said yes she had gotten the text. Well, thanks for acknowledging the fact that yes, you DID get my heartbreaking news and not caring enough to even text me back. For years I have tried and tried to continue some sort of friendship with this person and it always seems like it's ME that's doing all of the initiating. I'm always the one to send a "hi" text or invite them to a friend's dinner (only to hear the latest excuse of why she can't make it.....none of which I ever believe) or ask how their family is doing or anything like that.............the ONLY time this person has initiated any kind of conversation with me is when they needed a job a few months ago. Not to mention I really put myself out to get that person a job at the place where I work - really went to bat for them, and in the end they never even called the company back after numerous phone calls/emails from the company. That was when I said I was done trying to have any kind of friendship, b/c obviously, I'm the only one who gives a crap. I always say that and then I think of something I want to tell her or wish her a good day or something - ANYTHING - to let her I know I still want her friendship. Then it goes like last night's convo did and I swear that I'm just going to quit b/c I'm tired of trying so hard and getting no response in return. I feel like I've given and given and they just don't care and it's so hurtful. Last night was it for me, so I'm done. You have your own life and you obviously don't give a rat's ass about mine. No more texts, no more calls, no more invites to things when you obviously don't want to hang out with us in the first place....I'm done. We had the best friendship for so long, but it's not my fault that it's ending. I'm tired of putting myself out there for you and I'm done.
Goodbye.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
May 2, 2010
I went to Mom and Dad's house yesterday and spent most of the day with my sister. Mom wanted to go to Woodruff to visit Grandma and Dad was gone to Statesville for the day, so it gave me some time to spend with her alone. I helped her get all her clothing and toiletries put away in my old bedroom/bathroom and we got to talk a lot. She is finally beginning to understand what it is that she has and what it is doing to her right now. There is a bit of denial or maybe just misunderstanding in how much time she has left on this earth. I tried to broach that subject but she didn't really seem to understand or what to hear the real information. She seems to think she has at least 2 years or maybe even 3, and maybe she does, but according to all the info on the Internet and from doctors, that's just not the truth. She has an appt on Monday with Dr. Mina and I hope it wont be information-overload. She will finally get to hear just what the true pathology is and what the treatment options will be, should she choose to take treatments. Right now she's not sure she even wants to have treatment b/c she is so afraid to be so sick. It is totally her decision and I can't say that in that position, I would even want treatments. I've seen firsthand what they do to a person.....it's a very difficult choice to make, for sure. But I will stand beside her no matter what she chooses and I want to be there as much as possible in the coming months. If she chooses no treatment, the prognosis is usually less than 6 months, depending on how bad the GBM has already spread. She did have a horrible headache yesterday morning that almost caused a trip to the ER, so I wonder if there is already spreading going on, but I guess we wont know for sure until the appt Monday. A lot to think about in a short amount of time. She did say she is totally at peace about dying and her only regrets are those she is leaving behind.....we had a nice crying-fest about that one, but I am glad she feels so at peace about it. I can't say that I would feel that way if I were in her shoes. Who knows how anyone would feel in that position?
Praying w/o ceasing, b/c our God is in the miracle-making business.
Praying w/o ceasing, b/c our God is in the miracle-making business.
Friday, April 23, 2010
April 23, 2010
It's been a long, hard week. My sister was diagnosed this week with a brain tumor. My first thought was "*expletive*, not again!" We've already been down this road once, why do we have to do it again?
Last night, sadness turned to shock/fear/numbness/shaking/vomiting/you-name-it when the pathology report came back -- glioblastoma. Prognosis = bleak. I did some research on it and immediately wished I hadn't. GBM carries a high fatality rate.....usually within a year or so. There are some treatments to buy time but no cure.
I did a lot (I mean, a LOT) of crying last night and most of today.....sent texts to my closest friends to let them know to pray and to please not ask me about it b/c I just couldn't/didnt want to talk about it. I still dont, really. Writing has always been an outlet for me b/c I say whatever I want whenever it comes to me and nobody can ask me tons of questions that I have to come up with answers to. Last night my mind just was not working - I couldn't think, I couldn't do anything except lay in bed and cry. I can't imagine what the next few months are going to hold for our family. I can't help but feel that, since we already got one miracle with Tim, there's no way we'll get another for my sister. It's not that I doubt God, b/c I dont, but it's hard to try to comprehend. Why fight this long, hard battle if the end only renders a loss? I don't know. I don't understand much of anything, I guess.
I hate cancer.
Last night, sadness turned to shock/fear/numbness/shaking/vomiting/you-name-it when the pathology report came back -- glioblastoma. Prognosis = bleak. I did some research on it and immediately wished I hadn't. GBM carries a high fatality rate.....usually within a year or so. There are some treatments to buy time but no cure.
I did a lot (I mean, a LOT) of crying last night and most of today.....sent texts to my closest friends to let them know to pray and to please not ask me about it b/c I just couldn't/didnt want to talk about it. I still dont, really. Writing has always been an outlet for me b/c I say whatever I want whenever it comes to me and nobody can ask me tons of questions that I have to come up with answers to. Last night my mind just was not working - I couldn't think, I couldn't do anything except lay in bed and cry. I can't imagine what the next few months are going to hold for our family. I can't help but feel that, since we already got one miracle with Tim, there's no way we'll get another for my sister. It's not that I doubt God, b/c I dont, but it's hard to try to comprehend. Why fight this long, hard battle if the end only renders a loss? I don't know. I don't understand much of anything, I guess.
I hate cancer.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
March 2, 2010
Today was SUCH a great day to end school early! I was hopeful on the way to work this morning that the snow would get heavy enough for Gville County to call off school early. Now I'm just hopeful that we will get a delay in the morning. That would be enough.....just a delay. I can't afford to miss an entire day, lol. The carpet measurers are coming at 830 tomorrow morning and I'd like to be here for that, even though Jay will be here, too. I have some questions of my own. :)
The past weekend was one of the longest of my entire life. As some of you know, we've been pulling up carpet in our entire house over the last week or so, readying each room for the new carpet that will be getting installed hopefully next week. Little by little, I've gotten 90% of the living room and the entire guest room done. Jay pulled up the carpet in the nursery. So far so good......until Friday night. A few months ago I had found a small (sorta) mold spot in the corner of the guest room where the outside wall and bathroom wall meet. I didn't think too much of it, just moved everything away and bleached it until it cleared up. I moved all of the furniture out of that room a week ago, and started working Friday night on getting that carpet completely cleared out. I got to that prior moldy corner and pulled the carpet back..........and about had a heart attack. A 3x3 ft area was COVERED in wet plywood and growing mold........with more trails of mold down the entire outer wall of the room. On top of THAT, as I pulled the old carpet back, a big chunk of wall caved in at the bottom, giving me a grand view of just why we had mold in there in the first place. The hall bath has been leaking for who-knows-how-long. We never knew b/c we never really used that bathroom, but since our master bath has had a hole in the tub for several months now and it hasn't gotten fixed, we've been using the hall bath regularly.
So I called Jay at work, crying (me, not him) and told him what I'd found. Keep in mind my mindset was on a King of Queens episode where Doug and Carrie have mold in their house and it cost $12,000 to fix. Haha...I was sure that was going to be us. Jay talked me through knocking a bigger hole in the wall (therefore causing my anxiety to rise even higher) and tell him exactly what I saw and what to do about it until he could get home the next morning. I put big floor fans on the worst of the mold and closed the door for the night. The next morning it looked a LOT better so I poured bleach all along the wall and that helped even more.
Fast forward to Saturday afternoon -- Jay assessed the damage and we went to Home Depot, where we promptly spent $150 we didn't have in the first place on pipes, a new shower head, drywall, putty, and a hundred other things I don't know anything about. He worked for about 6 hours straight on fixing the leaky lower pipe, only to find out after we tested it that there was also a leak on the upper pipe. So more drywall got torn out and more hours were spent on re-piping the entire thing, trying to put in a new drain after we broke the first one, and I could go on and on about the things that went wrong with this project. I think I cried more tears of frustration this weekend than I ever have before.
So....we finally got it fixed and the new drywall is up. It's been puttied, sanded, puttied again, and sanded again, and it's almost ready to be painted. We're going to have to repaint probably the entire room b/c we dont have any more of the original beige paint that was in that room, and we're going to have to re-border it, since the border got destroyed on two walls when the drywall was pulled out. I cannot tell you how happy I am that this is over (hopefully). I will be nervous about it until the carpet guy gives the okay tomorrow that the new carpet can go in and we don't have to do anything to any of the floors. I just want this to be OVER with already - I'm tired of walking around on plywood and picking splinters out of my feet every night. The new carpet is going to look so good and it will do a lot for this house.
Keep your ears open tomorrow morning for my sigh of relief when the carpet measurer has come and gone........
The past weekend was one of the longest of my entire life. As some of you know, we've been pulling up carpet in our entire house over the last week or so, readying each room for the new carpet that will be getting installed hopefully next week. Little by little, I've gotten 90% of the living room and the entire guest room done. Jay pulled up the carpet in the nursery. So far so good......until Friday night. A few months ago I had found a small (sorta) mold spot in the corner of the guest room where the outside wall and bathroom wall meet. I didn't think too much of it, just moved everything away and bleached it until it cleared up. I moved all of the furniture out of that room a week ago, and started working Friday night on getting that carpet completely cleared out. I got to that prior moldy corner and pulled the carpet back..........and about had a heart attack. A 3x3 ft area was COVERED in wet plywood and growing mold........with more trails of mold down the entire outer wall of the room. On top of THAT, as I pulled the old carpet back, a big chunk of wall caved in at the bottom, giving me a grand view of just why we had mold in there in the first place. The hall bath has been leaking for who-knows-how-long. We never knew b/c we never really used that bathroom, but since our master bath has had a hole in the tub for several months now and it hasn't gotten fixed, we've been using the hall bath regularly.
So I called Jay at work, crying (me, not him) and told him what I'd found. Keep in mind my mindset was on a King of Queens episode where Doug and Carrie have mold in their house and it cost $12,000 to fix. Haha...I was sure that was going to be us. Jay talked me through knocking a bigger hole in the wall (therefore causing my anxiety to rise even higher) and tell him exactly what I saw and what to do about it until he could get home the next morning. I put big floor fans on the worst of the mold and closed the door for the night. The next morning it looked a LOT better so I poured bleach all along the wall and that helped even more.
Fast forward to Saturday afternoon -- Jay assessed the damage and we went to Home Depot, where we promptly spent $150 we didn't have in the first place on pipes, a new shower head, drywall, putty, and a hundred other things I don't know anything about. He worked for about 6 hours straight on fixing the leaky lower pipe, only to find out after we tested it that there was also a leak on the upper pipe. So more drywall got torn out and more hours were spent on re-piping the entire thing, trying to put in a new drain after we broke the first one, and I could go on and on about the things that went wrong with this project. I think I cried more tears of frustration this weekend than I ever have before.
So....we finally got it fixed and the new drywall is up. It's been puttied, sanded, puttied again, and sanded again, and it's almost ready to be painted. We're going to have to repaint probably the entire room b/c we dont have any more of the original beige paint that was in that room, and we're going to have to re-border it, since the border got destroyed on two walls when the drywall was pulled out. I cannot tell you how happy I am that this is over (hopefully). I will be nervous about it until the carpet guy gives the okay tomorrow that the new carpet can go in and we don't have to do anything to any of the floors. I just want this to be OVER with already - I'm tired of walking around on plywood and picking splinters out of my feet every night. The new carpet is going to look so good and it will do a lot for this house.
Keep your ears open tomorrow morning for my sigh of relief when the carpet measurer has come and gone........
Sunday, January 10, 2010
January 10, 2010
So, I'm currently working on a new blog. I can't give you the link yet but when I get it up and running satisfactorily (is this a word?) then I'll post it for all to read......not that anyone even reads this one.
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