It's been a long, hard week. My sister was diagnosed this week with a brain tumor. My first thought was "*expletive*, not again!" We've already been down this road once, why do we have to do it again?
Last night, sadness turned to shock/fear/numbness/shaking/vomiting/you-name-it when the pathology report came back -- glioblastoma. Prognosis = bleak. I did some research on it and immediately wished I hadn't. GBM carries a high fatality rate.....usually within a year or so. There are some treatments to buy time but no cure.
I did a lot (I mean, a LOT) of crying last night and most of today.....sent texts to my closest friends to let them know to pray and to please not ask me about it b/c I just couldn't/didnt want to talk about it. I still dont, really. Writing has always been an outlet for me b/c I say whatever I want whenever it comes to me and nobody can ask me tons of questions that I have to come up with answers to. Last night my mind just was not working - I couldn't think, I couldn't do anything except lay in bed and cry. I can't imagine what the next few months are going to hold for our family. I can't help but feel that, since we already got one miracle with Tim, there's no way we'll get another for my sister. It's not that I doubt God, b/c I dont, but it's hard to try to comprehend. Why fight this long, hard battle if the end only renders a loss? I don't know. I don't understand much of anything, I guess.
I hate cancer.
1 comment:
We are praying for you and your family.
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